Twenty More Questions


If you brush your teeth with Viagra will you give better head?

If I can buy a 9mm Glock with a 15-shell magazine, why can’t I buy a human-sized microwave?

Should houseplants be walked?

Wouldn’t it solve two problems to run our cars on all those trans-fats?

Aren’t you glad Alberto Gonzales isn’t the military kind of general?

Don’t you wish the military generals had as little to do as he seems to think he does?

Is the organic way to get rid of head lice to introduce a predator species?

Have you ever asked a group of strangers in an elevator to “synchronize watches?” (no)

Do they have bored games in solitary confinement?

If they make progressive lenses for your glasses why can’t they make regressive hearing aides that tune out assholes?

Why doesn’t Starbucks sell espresso in disposable syringes?

Has anyone ever actually purchased a penis enlargement device from an unsolicited junk mail?

Can we make it illegal to campaign in any year but the election?

If I forward my cell phone calls to my house phone and my house phone’s calls to my cell phone, will there be an explosion?

Have you ever “borrowed” a paddleboat and accidentally sank it? (yes)

If a girl from Guatemala goes to community college can she become a paralegal alien?

What do you call a dozen in the metric system?

If I get Lazic on the back of my head will I see where I’ve been?

If I have free speech why do they keep sending me a telephone bill?

If George Bush could run the country with a remote would he press “fast forward?” (He’s obviously already hit “mute.")

Where it all began, the twenty before.

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