Titties and Boobs

9/22/2004

Can things at CBS get any worse? First, Dan airs duped documents he got from a chemically-altered cattleman with a Paul Bunyan-sized ax to grind with “W.” Then the FCC pops them for a half-million bucks for Janet Jackson’s half-time peepshow at the Superbowl. Meanwhile, CBS ratings and parent-company Viacom stock are dropping like dung from a diarrhetic donkey.

It’s a crisis brought about by titties and boobs. In both cases, the perpetrators used astonishingly bad judgment and gave not a nanosecond’s consideration to the consequences. In the process, they gave voice to every prude, Puritan and right-wing talkshow host in the nation. Thanks a lot.

The Muse has seen and touched actual breasts in his career, and JJ’s one-second display added nothing useful to my memory bank. And anyone that thinks “W” didn’t duck the draft is daffy. But guess what friends? Janet’s tittie and the boobs in CBS News have wrought an onslaught of verbal venom that we’ll hear for weeks.

The Muse is talking about all our favorites: Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, Rick Santorum, Sean Hannity. They’ll preach, posture and shout about family values and media bias and liberal treachery. Team-Right won’t lighten up because they have traction. And they have traction because they have a point.

The real tragedy here is that morons have hijacked enlightened debate and thoughtful discourse. Did anyone hear Janet Jackson offer any kind of cogent rationale for her stunt? I mean if she whipped it out to save the seals I might buy the imagery. Do you know any 4th grader that would use a document provided by Bill Burkett as a source in a term paper? Burkett told CBS he got the documents from a mystery man at a cattle show for God’s sake. That’s checking sources?

JJ and Dan have handed the Right a gift from the Gods. And the Left shall be cast into eternal damnation. Goodbye First Amendment, you’ll soon be replaced by one banning gay marriage. Forget universal health care, we’ll need those dollars for tax breaks for the rich. Can the National Endowment for the Arts be far behind?

We have titties and boobs to thank for the state of debate. The 19th Century had Lincoln-Douglas; the 21st Century has screamfests on cable.

Sadly, by lending legitimacy to the right and letting “W” off the hook, CBS has helped to alter the entire political landscape. The only true entertainment product coming out of CBS these days is watching their ineptitude.

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