I can has tax dollar pleez?

3/25/2011

I regressed into the impossibly cute dialect of the I can has cheeseburger “kitteh” devotee website when I read about the GOP donor who got about $200 million extra for oil contracts from the Department of Defense.

“I can has cheeseburger” is a guilty pleasure. I love cats, but I don’t baby talk to mine. In fact, I admit with no small measure of shame, I’ve taught Gretel the word “fuck” in its adjective form as in “fucking peeper” (meaning: bird is on the deck) and “fucking squirrel” (meaning: squirrel is on the deck).

When Gretel hears me shout this she sprints into the kitchen, hits the waxed floor and slides headlong into the glass door that separates her from the fucking critter to which she gallops with murderous intent. I laugh at this like it’s the first time every time.

Since I’m a “tough guy,” if I had a cute “kitteh” website, I’d probably call it “I can has fucking cheeseburger please?”

But I wouldn’t put fucking fat cats like GOP oil baron Harry Sargeant III on my website because they are not cute. Not cute, but smart. Smart enough to figure out how to get millions of dumb taxpayers’ dollars by obtaining no-bid oil contracts. And smart enough to know it’s “who you know” in Washington and making sure those folks remember your name by playing their bagman in the money-mill also known as “electoral politics.”

Sargeant, to be fair, is not an exclusive subsidiary of the Republican Party. The records show that Hillary Clinton has put her dipstick into Sargeant’s money well as well. That the Clinton name came up in conjunction with someone involved in shady oil dealings is no great surprise. Long time observers may recall the kerfuffle over husband Bill’s pardon of fugitive commodities trader Marc Rich who was charged with treason over oil dealings with Iran, which was embargoed as a result of taking over our embassy and rudely parading around our citizens with guns to their heads. Rich is a fucking fat cat too.

I hate it when fat cats get tax dollars and favors.

Especially these days when it’s become fashionable to cut programs for the poor, defenseless and downtrodden. Poor, defenseless and downtrodden people typically don’t bundle campaign contributions in their spare time and almost never get no-bid oil contracts from the Pentagon. I would imagine there’s a correlation.

When I read that cuts for programs that fund homeless vets, Headstart, workforce training, clean water, cancer research, unemployment benefits, pre-natal care and such have to be made for the survival of the republic, I can’t help but wonder where we can find $200 million for over-priced oil for fucking fat cats.

I know that’s simplistic and naive. What they call a “false equivalency.” Downright childlike. Baby talk.

The kind of talk that oddly came to my mind when I read about Harry Sargeant III and his hyper-inflated oil contracts.

The language I imagine that would be used by those too busy trying to survive to bundle cash for fucking politicians.

A message that might take fucking tough guys like me to have the compassion and courage to convey to the politicians who will not listen. But if enough of us stand up they will.

Hear their little voices or you won’t stop hearing ours.

They can has tax dollar, pleez?

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